Work-Life Sanity Blog

A coaching client of mine learned recently that she is capable of “aggressive productivity.” During a 2-week period, she cleared her decks and made an important project her absolute top priority. She was astonished at how much she was able to accomplish and stunned by its quality. 

She learned how powerful it is to work on one thing at a time, unambivalently and unambiguously focused.  It’s also satisfying, validating, and rewarding, though certainly challenging in its own ways.

Here are some tools that helped her pull this off:

• She regularly asked herself, “What do I have to say ‘no’ to in order to say ‘yes’ to this project?” She said no to invitations, distractions, temptations, and competing demands. Some came from outside herself, such as an invitation to see a movie with a good friend she hadn’t seen in a while.  Some came from within, such as ”I should clean my messy kitchen” or ”I should attend to my other work.”  These “opportunities” are always out there.  And within us.
• She imagined herself a warrior with a sword she brandished when her project came under attack by forces outside of it. Whether you’re protecting your focus for 2 weeks or 4 minutes, YOU’LL NEED A SWORD TOO. Because it always comes down to “this moment,” and sometimes your sheer will just needs some backup.  A visual can help.
• She practiced very good self-care during this period of aggressive productivity.  Knowing it was like a marathon or other exreme performance event, she made sure she stayed nourished and hydrated. She got enough sleep, ate well, planned quality breaks, and made things easy for herself outside of this project.

What do you need to say “no” to in order to say “yes” to what’s most important to you?

Where do you keep your sword? (We all have one, somewhere.)

Where could you turn up the volume on self-care in order to finish your event?

Never underestimate the enormous power of single-minded focus, even for short bursts.

 What do you call a working mother whose kids have grown up and left home?  She’s no longer a “working mother” as we’ve all come to know and understand the term.  I’ve come up with the term “Working Mom Emeritus.”  What do you think?  Is there a more concise way to express this?  

There are a lot of us out here.  Our kids are now in their 20s and 30s, and some of them are beginning to have children of their own.  Some of us are even involved in the care of those kids, our grandchildren.  (My own daughters (age 27 and 31) have dogs, not kids.)

Here’s what I can tell you about work life balance from the other side of the intensive parenting years.  It gets vastly simpler.  Not necessarily easier, because if you have a tendency to be a workaholic, well, there’s even more opportunity to do so when you’re not committed to getting to the ice hockey game or having a decent dinner on the table by 6:30.  But it does get simpler.

For one thing, there are fewer stakeholders.  After the intensive parenting years, it’s just you and possibly a significant other in your primary circle.  It’s not that your adult children want nothing to do with you.  Hopefully, you play your cards in such a way and are lucky enough that you are still part of their lives and vice versa.  But you’re just not in their lives in the same daily, intensive way.  And it’s really OK.

And then there’s your work, which of course can consume your whole life.  The challenge is to stay conscious and intentional about how you allocate your time and where you draw your boundaries.  

For some of us, it was easier to have firm boundaries around work when our other time went to our very compelling other work: our children.  When there are no children at home, there is a very real risk of giving it all away to work.  Particularly for driven women who have not yet “made their mark” and for women in challenging financial straits.  

But the beautiful little non-intuitive secret is that giving it all away is not sustainable.  Being completely out of balance with overwork is like trying to run a marathon without drinking any water.  You crash and burn.  You can’t finish the event.  The ONLY way to finish an endurance event is to hydrate along the way.  Which translates into doing the things that nourish you for the long haul, whatever they are for you.  For most people that includes having regular time off from task list mindset.    

After being on the fence for ages about whether or not to start a blog, I finally jumped in. 

My main inspiration for this came from two bloggers.  One is Dianna Huff of DH Communications, whose Marcom Writer Blog  is packed with business-to-business marketing tactics and Dianna’s delightfully insightful, informed, and intelligent perspective. The other is Morra Aarons-Mele who writes on BlogHer, the Huffington Post, and elsewhere.  I am impressed with how frequently she posts (baby notwithstanding!), how well she writes, the breadth of her intelligence and scope, and how candid she is.

I’m awed by the high quality of these and other blogs I have been reading and by the frequency of their posts.  I start this blog with trepidation and humility.  My topic, as the name suggests, is work-life balance.

My intention is to use this space to be a little more informal, creative, and spontaneous than I am in my monthly newsletter, Strategies for Change, which I will continue to publish.  And full disclosure, I am not above posting something from my newsletter here from time to time.

Thank you, Dianna and Morra, for the inspiration and the high standards you have set. 

And a second round of appreciation to Dianna, who has been my trusted internet marketing advisor, mentor, coach, and ok, Goddess.  Thanks also to Rachel Cunliffe of Created Designs for the design and functionality of the blog.