Work-Life Sanity Blog

IN the opening chapter of The Art of Possibility, Roz Zander writes about a life lesson she learned on a white water rafting trip.

The rafting company put people through substantial training before going out on the water.  One key element of the training was “Toes to Nose.”  When you fall out of the raft into the thrashing water, they were taught, bring your toes to your nose and look for the boat.

Toes to nose keeps your feet from getting caught in the rocks below and brings you to the surface, where you can grab an oar or rope from the boat closest to you.  The trainer drummed this mantra into people’s heads til they rolled their eyes.  It had to be completely automatic, he said.

During the actual rafting trip, Roz was thrown into the roiling water.  The sudden shock of cold water, the absolute roar in her ears, the darkness of being submerged!  In the midst of massive sensory overload and the adrenaline rush of mortal crisis, she remembered and executed toes to nose.  Presto!  She was suddenly at the surface, visible to the instructor on the sweeper raft, who pulled her out of the water.

There is great value in having a survival mantra such as this for your everyday life. When crises and demands pile up and you are suddenly underwater . . . it can be a lifesaver to have an automatic instruction for yourself.   The instruction has to be simple enough that you remember it when you’re completely overloaded.

For a software engineer with a work crunch at work and approaching finals in her MBA program, the mantra she finds most useful is “‘Good enough’ is good enough.”  This simple slogan helps her manage her shrill inner perfectionist, who wants perfect results on all fronts, 24/7.  In real life, that’s neither an option nor a requirement.  For example, she doesn’t really need to ace her finals.

An executive director I know recently recognized how drained, miserable, and resentful she is of all the other people she takes such good care of: her staff, clients, board, and husband.   Her new survival instruction is, “Take care of yourself too!”

For an investment banker who takes work home every night but doesn’t do it, much to her own growing panic, the directive that makes a difference is, “Do what you have to do first.  Then do what you want.”

In a post-event interview, Olympic figure skater Nancy Kerrigan was asked, “How did you feel after you doubled the triple axel?”  She responded (and I paraphrase), ”I’m trained to go right on to the next move.  I don’t have the luxury of thinking about what I just did.  I just moved on.”

I personally am benefitting from ”Just move on.”  There is always time for analysis later, if that’s appropriate.

So . . . what’s your life-saving mantra, and in what situations does it serve you?  Consider drafting a candidate or two to test over the next 6 weeks: simple instructions which could offer you some safety when you get bounced out of the raft.  See if you can come up with your own “toes to nose” to deploy into the New Year.

Would you like to take a look at one company’s bold and effective response to employees’ changing needs for flexibility over the course of a working lifetime?  I have a fascinating book to recommend: Mass Career Customization, by Cathleen Benko and Anne Weisberg. 

Benko and Weisberg write about how their company, Deloitte, has implemented a very new approach to flex.   

Deloitte has long been a standout leader in creating policies and practices that accommodate people’s needs for myriad forms of flexible work.  They started down this path many years ago as a means of stemming their costly turnover rates, particularly for their most talented women.  They were losing highly talented women from the partnership track at an alarming rate, mostly during the years when these women had young children.    Deloitte became the poster child company for family-friendly policies, and they reaped phenomenal savings in dollars and morale by dramatically increasing retention across the board. 

Now they’re taking it to the next level by implementing a broad system of customizing employees’ schedules and workloads a year at a time, based on the employee’s needs.  They call this dynamic “mass career customization” (MCC) , and this is the book that tells the story. 

Deloitte is normalizing the need for flexibility: it’s no longer seen as an accommodation or a one-time need that will evaporate at some point (and the sooner the better!).   Rather, Deloitte is acting as if anyone could need an  unconventional schedule or workload during any or all of their working years, so better to be nimble enough to roll with these needs rather than lose the employee.   The result is a robust and committed workforce with extraordinary capacity.   Because the company benefits, I think we’ll see a lot more of this in the future.

According the Professor Myra Hart of Harvard Business School, ”With an MCC approach, corporations are not saying, ‘I want only your good years or the years in which you can make a maximum contribution.’  Instead, corporations are saying to  employees, ‘We really want a lifetime contract with you.’  This is a very new approach to employee retention.”

Shelly Lazarus, Chairman & CEO of Ogilvy & Mather Worldwide, writes, “Finally, a book recognizing that the needs of today’s knowledge workers are far from a women-only issue. Mass Career Customization provides an incisive analysis of what’s really happening on the talent front and a comprehensive approach of what to do about it.”

I can’t say it reads as fast as fiction, but it’s a great read.  You may think you’re reading fiction when you see what’s going on at Deloitte.   Check it out.

A gifted manager/leader had a conversation with a direct report who, though recognized as being highly talented, was passed over for a particular project.   The manager asked her report three fabulous questions, which I want to share with you in this post.   They are:

1.  What was it you wanted to learn in that project?  How else or where else might you learn that, and how what can I support that?  Let’s watch for other opportunities that will get you exposed to this content.

2.  Who did you want to get to know through that project?  I will keep that in mind and watch for other opportunities for you to work with that person or others with the salient characteristics (the level, position, skillset, discipline, etc that was of interest to you). 

3.  What did you want that project to lead you to?  To the extent that you saw it as a stepping stone to something else, what was that “something else”?  I want to understand that so I can watch for other opportunities for you to do that.

From where I sit, these questions are powerful because they acknowledge and validate the direct report’s ambition, drive, and professional agenda.  They also let her know that this manager wants to support that professional agenda. 

This is in stark contrast to other managers in other environments, who see an individual’s interest in other projects and other people in the organization as “disloyal,” suspicious, and to be nipped in the bud.  Not a great way to retain talented people!

Another way these questions reveal strong leadership skill is that they are likely to inspire strong strategic thinking on the part of the direct report, if she is not already thinking that way.  These questions ask her to take her own interests, ambition, and curiosity seriously.   They ask her to think about projects and people within the organization that can forward her own development. 

Further, these questions gave rise to a conversation that let the direct report know (accurately) that her manager sees her development as part of her managerial role.    While many managers understand that developing their team is part of their job,  not all are comfortable facilitating a conversation at this fine a grain. 

Some professionals have an innate understanding of how to navigate their own professional trajectory.  They very naturally seek out the relationships and experiences that take them where they want to go.  But most people are not such naturals when it comes to navigating their work life. 

Most people have to learn to do this.  In my experience, this learning typically happens during people’s mid-career years, but of course it can happen at any time.   There is no underestimating how much positive impact a great manager can have on someone in this learning curve. 

That said . . . it is also the case that professionals and entrepreneurs at any level can and should learn to ask themselves powerful questions like these.

Hands down, one of the most powerful things time-starved, crazy-busy people can do for themselves is to strengthen their boundary-setting skills.  Big bang for the buck, in my experience. 

Here are a few boundary-strengthening ideas that have made a difference for my clients and for me.  

1. Don’t be an Automatic Helper.  Before jumping in or committing to help, ask yourself these questions:

• Do I have the necessary resources available (time, money, focus, attention) to help in this situation?
• What other commitments of mine will take a hit (be postponed or taken off the list entirely) if I take on this new one? 
• What will I have to say “no” to in order to say “yes” to helping out here?

Based on your answers to these questions, make a conscious decision.

2. Practice saying this line out loud: “Let me think about this and get back to you.” 

3. Feeling guilty doesn’t necessarily mean you’re doing anything wrong.  Sometimes it means you’re doing something different and that feels uncomfortable.

If you’d like to hear more ideas about how and when to set appropriate boundaries, consider coming to a 1-hour teleconference I’m leading on Thursday, October 22, at 1:00 Eastern.  Can’t make it to this one, but want to be notified the next time it’s offered?  Email me with ”boundaries teleconference” in the subject line, and I’ll send you an email announcing the next time this teleconference runs.   

A coaching client of mine learned recently that she is capable of “aggressive productivity.” During a 2-week period, she cleared her decks and made an important project her absolute top priority. She was astonished at how much she was able to accomplish and stunned by its quality. 

She learned how powerful it is to work on one thing at a time, unambivalently and unambiguously focused.  It’s also satisfying, validating, and rewarding, though certainly challenging in its own ways.

Here are some tools that helped her pull this off:

• She regularly asked herself, “What do I have to say ‘no’ to in order to say ‘yes’ to this project?” She said no to invitations, distractions, temptations, and competing demands. Some came from outside herself, such as an invitation to see a movie with a good friend she hadn’t seen in a while.  Some came from within, such as ”I should clean my messy kitchen” or ”I should attend to my other work.”  These “opportunities” are always out there.  And within us.
• She imagined herself a warrior with a sword she brandished when her project came under attack by forces outside of it. Whether you’re protecting your focus for 2 weeks or 4 minutes, YOU’LL NEED A SWORD TOO. Because it always comes down to “this moment,” and sometimes your sheer will just needs some backup.  A visual can help.
• She practiced very good self-care during this period of aggressive productivity.  Knowing it was like a marathon or other exreme performance event, she made sure she stayed nourished and hydrated. She got enough sleep, ate well, planned quality breaks, and made things easy for herself outside of this project.

What do you need to say “no” to in order to say “yes” to what’s most important to you?

Where do you keep your sword? (We all have one, somewhere.)

Where could you turn up the volume on self-care in order to finish your event?

Never underestimate the enormous power of single-minded focus, even for short bursts.