Work-Life Sanity Blog

There’s a very interesting post by Jeff Flemmings at  http://the3six5.posterous.com/may-12-2010-jeff-flemings.  He says his main New Year’s resolution this year is to “invest emotional energy only where it will be reciprocated and multiplied.  Vigorously sticking to this resolution so far has made my life a lot better.”

He writes:
“I finally realized I was investing myself in people and activities that are incapable of repaying me. Hell, they couldn’t even acknowledge my contribution. I embraced this insight and put all that thankless stuff on the proverbial back burner. That burner is now on a tiny Sterno stove located in a thicket not yet mapped by Google.”

Focusing time and attention ONLY where there is positive payback is a powerful idea.  Even just paying attention to what does and does not deliver can be a game-changer.  I’m not suggesting you jettison every relationship and project that doesn’t  “adequately” pay you back; this is not an organizing principle for every corner of your life. 

But even just asking the question, “Is this a good investment of my time and energy?” can support you in being more intentional and effective with your time, that most precious of resources.     

Eliminating even one non-productive focus can provide a powerful boost. 
One arena where this can be extremely powerful is in how you manage your thoughts: what you allow yourself to dwell on.  Here are some examples.

• One of my clients was stuck in the mindset of “I haven’t accomplished enough in my life.” She felt so flattened by this all-pervasive, self-imposed verdict that she was unable to work effectively or to enjoy doing any of the other activities that nourish her.   When she temporarily allowed herself to focus on her next step as an amateur musician, deciding what to play in an upcoming group concert, the very act of engagement dispelled the black cloud and she was once again an active participant in her life.  She had unhooked, for now, from this particular negativity.
• Recently, I did something that inadvertently offended someone and made her angry with me.  I was horrified and appalled.  I apologized and did the best I could to clean it up.  I made mental notes about what I’d learned.  My old pattern would have been to obsess over this for days and weeks, to berate myself for my bad judgment, and so on.  Or to use Jeff’s terms, to invest emotional energy where no good would come of it.   But this time I handled myself differently.  I asked myself if there was anything else I needed to do to make it right with this person.  The answer: no.   SO . . . I worked with myself to focus elsewhere whenever my mind brought me back to the topic.  It wasn’t perfect, but I suffered less than I usually do in similar situations.  Which gave me more energy and opportunity to focus in more positive directions and be more effective in my life. 

Looking for a way to apply this idea?  Try this: 

1. Notice when you are investing emotional energy in a project, person, or thought  that drains you rather than energizes you or leaves you neutral.  How would you recognize it?  When engaged with this project, person, or thought, you might feel sluggish, paralyzed,  discouraged, or angry, as distinct from how you feel with other projects/people/thoughts.

2.  Ask yourself is there’s any action you need to take.  If so, take the action as soon as you can.  If not, go directly to step 3.

3. As soon as possible, make yourself focus elsewhere.  If it’s an obsessive thought, find something else just as intense but not so negative.  If it’s a project or person, tear yourself away asap and engage with another person or project that’s more positive. 

Don’t expect yourself to have world-class skills in this arena right away.  Be patient with your own learning curve.  Small victories are the way to go.  

If this is an entrenched pattern for you that you would like some help with, consider a short round of focused coaching.   Contact me to investigate this option.

In a recent conversation with several people about blogging, I realized that I’ve been making things unnecessarly difficult for myself by requiring that my blog posts be about 500 words long.   Of course I’ve read other people’s posts that are shorter, but I never made the connection that mine could be shorter too.

I know I’m not the only person who makes things more difficult than they need to be, but I’m the one I know the best. 

For a long time I thought that work was supposed to be hard.   If it wasn’t hard, it didn’t count, I thought: it wasn’t worthy somehow.   Once I became aware of that thought pattern, I was able to see that it didn’t serve me, and I started the process of learning how to allow things to be easier, which is turning out to be a lifelong process. 

This is iteration number 99 of “it doesn’t have to be difficult.”  My posts at this blog can be be as long or as short as they need to be.

It seems to be Annual Review Season in the lives of several of my clients, so I’m thinking a lot about this subject.

I’m a huge believer in self-acknowledgement in general.  But at annual review season, even moreso. 

Even if you work for an organization that does annual reviews REALLY, REALLY well (and that’s maybe 1% of organizations), and even if you get a REALLY, REALLY great review this year — it’s just not enough acknowledgment.  Why? Because other people don’t know HALF of what you do. 

They’re not there with you on ordinary Tuesday mornings when you navigate a treacherous conversation with an extremely disgruntled client and you somehow manage to turn things around through your listening skills, your relational skills, your technical skills, your integrity, and your sheer endurance.  No one but you even KNOWS what a great save that was and what it required of you!  

But YOU do, and if you were writing your own annual review, you’d get something into it that acknowledged this contribution: the net result, and all that went into it.

No one knows that when you reviewed your notes “one last time” the night before your meeting last week, you came up with a strategy change that would make it a much better meeting.  You went with it, staying up til all hours to make all the other changes your change would require.  And what happened?  To all your staff, it appeared to be just another one of your usual good meetings.  No one knows the degree to which you go the distance. 

But you do.  And if you were writing your own review . . .

So here’s the drill.  Write your own review, for your eyes only.  Acknowledge not only your results, which is the only thing that most people  (including you?) see, but also your behaviors and your personal qualities that are part of the way you work.  

Here are some examples of behaviors that deserve to get acknowledged and rarely do:
You take the time to write a carefully worded email when called for.
You realized you were working inefficiently and took steps to clean it up.
You got timely advice from HR (and followed it) regarding a direct report with performance issues.

Here are examaples of personal qualities to be acknowledged:
You’re reliable, dependable, diligent, and hardworking.
You have high standards and you know when not to be a perfectionist.
You have a great sense of humor.

When you write your own review, be sure to ackowledge your results, behaviors, and personal qualities.  You might consider writing one for work and one for outside of work.   And you don’t have to wait for once a year.

I’ve had the privilege over the last few years of working with some fabulous women who were living the transition from management to leadership.  I say “living the transition” rather than “moving” because it’s much more of a process than a singular event.   It’s a paradigm shift that happens over time. 

Here are a few of its elements:

1. You laser-sharpen what you say and write.  In E.B. White’s words: “When you say something, make sure you have said it. The chances of your having said it are only fair.”  More succinct communication is often the result of :
     a) better grasp of the bigger picture, fuller understanding of exactly what to communicate and why
   b) greater courage and power to speak the truth and stand behind it
   c) less time/tolerance for fuzziness.

2. You replace your old M/O of “I have to do it all myself” with the understanding that you have to have more help.  Doing it all yourself is not a model for leadership; it’s a model for burnout.  

3. You delegate day-to-day management in order to regularly take yourself to 80,000 feet to see the big picture.   This is particularly true if you are coming from an operations function.  You can’t re-think strategic mission at the same time as worrying about whether there will be enough chairs in the room for the Big Meeting (and wondering who’s on that?).

4. You start contributing at a higher, stronger, more strategic level because you stop wasting time feeling “less than,” second guessing yourself, and feeling like you have to justify your seat at the table.  You ARE at the table.  You start knowing you belong there. 

5. You ask for what you need, knowing that what supports you also supports others and the work you are all doing. 

6. You stop tolerating bad behavior; you redress it.

7.  You get more help. 

8. You start trusting our own questions.   You get them answered, either by finding them out or by convening the conversations that will create them.

9. You become willing to see yourself as a more powerful person. It just stops being a big deal.  You grow into it.

What have I left out?

Even working slowly gets things done.  Sometimes, I’m unable to work at the pace that meets my standards.  Like right now.  I’m developing the content for an upcoming interview by a radio show host.  The taping is in 2 days, for an early February broadcast. 

I’m working very, very, very slowly.  Did I mention the going was slow?  My inner perfectionist (IP) has a high bar for how quickly I should draft this content, and I am big time failing to meet that standard.  My IP wants me to quit working on it, do something else, and return to this work when I can work at a pace that meets her majesty’s quality control standards.

But I have tried a few iterations of that strategy and I’m running out of time.  I now risk not being ready for the interview, which would be a foolish waste of an excellent opportunity for increased professional visibility.

So, faced with a choice between working slowly or not working on it all, I’m choosing to work on it slowly.  I’m overriding my IP’s great discomfort with the terrible imperfection of the situation.  She’s saying, “Hey listen, at this pace, you could be working on it from now until the interview starts in 48 hours: that’s not just unacceptable, but ludicrous.

To which I’m responding, ”Look, I can’t DEPEND on being able to crank up my production speed between now and then.  So, better to work on it slowly and get it done than wait for efficiency to show up and risk not getting it done at all.”

Here’s a remarkable secret.  Moving forward one micron at a time still moves you forward.  It is far, far better to be in action than to be paralyzed.   Here it is in mathematical terms (I have license to do this because my daughter was an applied math major (magna cum laude, Columbia)): the distance between paralysis and motion is FAR GREATER than the distance between slow motion and fast motion.  

That said, there are also times when you just need a break.  You can sometimes return from a real break with your batteries re-charged or a mental course correction, and then you just plow forward with much greater effectiveness.   Only you can make the call, of course, whether to take a break or continue slogging through.    

I’m calling this one: better to move slowly than not at all.  I know from past experience that a slow start can pick up momentum and energy, and at some point you cross some threshhold and you’re in flow.  But even if that doesn’t happen, left-right-left-right slog slog slog does get things done.

I also know that sometimes only C+ work energy is available, and sometimes C+ results are better than an incomplete.   I might not graduate magna cum laude, but I still want my degree.  

One of the most powerful things I have been learning in the last 30 years is that the more I am able to tolerate (or risk) the C-pluses, the more rich and full and satisfying my life is.  How completely bizarre and unexpected!

IN the opening chapter of The Art of Possibility, Roz Zander writes about a life lesson she learned on a white water rafting trip.

The rafting company put people through substantial training before going out on the water.  One key element of the training was “Toes to Nose.”  When you fall out of the raft into the thrashing water, they were taught, bring your toes to your nose and look for the boat.

Toes to nose keeps your feet from getting caught in the rocks below and brings you to the surface, where you can grab an oar or rope from the boat closest to you.  The trainer drummed this mantra into people’s heads til they rolled their eyes.  It had to be completely automatic, he said.

During the actual rafting trip, Roz was thrown into the roiling water.  The sudden shock of cold water, the absolute roar in her ears, the darkness of being submerged!  In the midst of massive sensory overload and the adrenaline rush of mortal crisis, she remembered and executed toes to nose.  Presto!  She was suddenly at the surface, visible to the instructor on the sweeper raft, who pulled her out of the water.

There is great value in having a survival mantra such as this for your everyday life. When crises and demands pile up and you are suddenly underwater . . . it can be a lifesaver to have an automatic instruction for yourself.   The instruction has to be simple enough that you remember it when you’re completely overloaded.

For a software engineer with a work crunch at work and approaching finals in her MBA program, the mantra she finds most useful is “‘Good enough’ is good enough.”  This simple slogan helps her manage her shrill inner perfectionist, who wants perfect results on all fronts, 24/7.  In real life, that’s neither an option nor a requirement.  For example, she doesn’t really need to ace her finals.

An executive director I know recently recognized how drained, miserable, and resentful she is of all the other people she takes such good care of: her staff, clients, board, and husband.   Her new survival instruction is, “Take care of yourself too!”

For an investment banker who takes work home every night but doesn’t do it, much to her own growing panic, the directive that makes a difference is, “Do what you have to do first.  Then do what you want.”

In a post-event interview, Olympic figure skater Nancy Kerrigan was asked, “How did you feel after you doubled the triple axel?”  She responded (and I paraphrase), ”I’m trained to go right on to the next move.  I don’t have the luxury of thinking about what I just did.  I just moved on.”

I personally am benefitting from ”Just move on.”  There is always time for analysis later, if that’s appropriate.

So . . . what’s your life-saving mantra, and in what situations does it serve you?  Consider drafting a candidate or two to test over the next 6 weeks: simple instructions which could offer you some safety when you get bounced out of the raft.  See if you can come up with your own “toes to nose” to deploy into the New Year.

I attended an excellent panel presentation on 10/15/09  at a meeting of the Career Counselors’ Consortium Northeast.   The panelists represented three industries: Life Sciences, the Green Sector, and Human Services, and they discussed the emerging trends in their fields, particularly related to employment and career opportunities.

The panelists were articulate, informed, and quick.  Here are the trends they reported.

Life Sciences and the Green Sector are growth industries in MA and in the US generally.   These industries are seeing a great shortage down the road of professionals with STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math) training and experience.   If you have a STEM background and wish to move into one of these fields, start your engines, and start talking to people.

And, not all the growth opportunities in these fields require STEM background.  Many of the opportunites in these industries are similar to what’s needed in any industry:  expertise in marketing communications, finance, HR, accounting, training and development, and so on. 

If you are interested in moving into either of these growth fields (Life Sciences or the Green Sector) and you have skills and experience outside of STEM, the way to start is to first identify your particular interest — is it the environment?  cancer research?  medical devices?  renewable energy? 

Once you know that, find out who the players are in that field, in your part of the country.  Find out everything you can about these organizations.  Use your network to talk to people who work there, and find out what you can about how they staff the the kind of work that you do.  

Essentially you want to find out what it would take for you to make a move into that organization.  Are you marketable to them as you are?  Is there particular experience you could obtain that would make you a more compelling hire?  And so on, as you would with any other job campaign.

Regarding Human Services . . . I’ve been reading for the last few years that the human services field is also growing.   I always found this very puzzling, since it appears that funding for these kinds of services is always getting cut.   During the Q & A with the presenters, I got an answer to this seeming contradiction.  Yes, there is a growing NEED for human services providers and practitioners, but no, there are no corresponding policy changes to support more jobs in the field.  The trend reports seem to ignore this critical detail. 

Certainly the news about emerging job trends in Life Sciences and the Green Sector is good.  These fields offer opportunities to technical and non-technical people alike, as well as to professional and non-professional contributors.

A gifted manager/leader had a conversation with a direct report who, though recognized as being highly talented, was passed over for a particular project.   The manager asked her report three fabulous questions, which I want to share with you in this post.   They are:

1.  What was it you wanted to learn in that project?  How else or where else might you learn that, and how what can I support that?  Let’s watch for other opportunities that will get you exposed to this content.

2.  Who did you want to get to know through that project?  I will keep that in mind and watch for other opportunities for you to work with that person or others with the salient characteristics (the level, position, skillset, discipline, etc that was of interest to you). 

3.  What did you want that project to lead you to?  To the extent that you saw it as a stepping stone to something else, what was that “something else”?  I want to understand that so I can watch for other opportunities for you to do that.

From where I sit, these questions are powerful because they acknowledge and validate the direct report’s ambition, drive, and professional agenda.  They also let her know that this manager wants to support that professional agenda. 

This is in stark contrast to other managers in other environments, who see an individual’s interest in other projects and other people in the organization as “disloyal,” suspicious, and to be nipped in the bud.  Not a great way to retain talented people!

Another way these questions reveal strong leadership skill is that they are likely to inspire strong strategic thinking on the part of the direct report, if she is not already thinking that way.  These questions ask her to take her own interests, ambition, and curiosity seriously.   They ask her to think about projects and people within the organization that can forward her own development. 

Further, these questions gave rise to a conversation that let the direct report know (accurately) that her manager sees her development as part of her managerial role.    While many managers understand that developing their team is part of their job,  not all are comfortable facilitating a conversation at this fine a grain. 

Some professionals have an innate understanding of how to navigate their own professional trajectory.  They very naturally seek out the relationships and experiences that take them where they want to go.  But most people are not such naturals when it comes to navigating their work life. 

Most people have to learn to do this.  In my experience, this learning typically happens during people’s mid-career years, but of course it can happen at any time.   There is no underestimating how much positive impact a great manager can have on someone in this learning curve. 

That said . . . it is also the case that professionals and entrepreneurs at any level can and should learn to ask themselves powerful questions like these.