Work-Life Sanity Blog

Hands down, one of the most powerful things time-starved, crazy-busy people can do for themselves is to strengthen their boundary-setting skills.  Big bang for the buck, in my experience. 

Here are a few boundary-strengthening ideas that have made a difference for my clients and for me.  

1. Don’t be an Automatic Helper.  Before jumping in or committing to help, ask yourself these questions:

• Do I have the necessary resources available (time, money, focus, attention) to help in this situation?
• What other commitments of mine will take a hit (be postponed or taken off the list entirely) if I take on this new one? 
• What will I have to say “no” to in order to say “yes” to helping out here?

Based on your answers to these questions, make a conscious decision.

2. Practice saying this line out loud: “Let me think about this and get back to you.” 

3. Feeling guilty doesn’t necessarily mean you’re doing anything wrong.  Sometimes it means you’re doing something different and that feels uncomfortable.

If you’d like to hear more ideas about how and when to set appropriate boundaries, consider coming to a 1-hour teleconference I’m leading on Thursday, October 22, at 1:00 Eastern.  Can’t make it to this one, but want to be notified the next time it’s offered?  Email me with ”boundaries teleconference” in the subject line, and I’ll send you an email announcing the next time this teleconference runs.   

There’s been a lively conversation going on in the press and work-life blogosphere about the happiness level of contemporary U.S. women.  The best summary of it is in Morra Aarons-Mele’s BlogHer post, which  references a Huffington Post piece she co-authored with Ellen Galinsky of the Families and Work Institute. All of this (and much more) was sparked by the recent release of research results indicating that women’s overall happiness level has diminished over the last 40 years, and that for individuals, it diminishes as they get older. 

Even Michele Obama weighed in on the topic of her own happiness, according to an AP piece  last week.  In it, she’s quoted as saying, “I have freed myself to put me on the priority list and say, yes, I can make choices that make me happy, and it will ripple and benefit my kids, my husband and my physical health.”

Michele’s comment is right on the mark, imho.   But I am in the happier woman business, so my view is hopelessly skewed.  As a life coach, I work with professional women who are dissatisfied (unhappy) with some aspect of their lives and who seek help in identifying and implementing appropriate changes. They take their own happiness and well-being seriously, and they know they it’s no one else’s job to do this for them.  It’s a mindset and a skillset.  I continuously learn from them. 

My clients are a self-selecting group.  Their very act of getting help identifies them as a subset that see themselves as agents of change.  They believe in their own power and effectiveness to make an impact on their own situation.   

These women are also coachable.  They are willing to consider another way to look at things.  They are willing to try out new behaviors.  They are willing to learn and to risk.   

Granted, not all sources of unhappiness can be “addressed.”  Learning the implications of your son’s disability can be heartbreaking.  The grief of losing a loved one can’t be “fixed.”  

But all the more reason to be proactive on your own behalf when and where you can have an impact. 

From where I sit, I see more and more people getting unstuck from unhappiness by taking advantage of the kinds of resources that have become more available and accessible in the last two decades: seminars, therapy, EAP programs, self-help books, career offices, coaches, professional trainings.  How does it look from where you sit?