Case Study: Entrepreneurial Mom Conquers Her Automatic Help Reflex - Work-Life Balance Articles

Case Study: Entrepreneurial Mom Conquers Her Automatic Help Reflex
By Sharon Teitelbaum, MA, MCC, Sharon@stcoach.com

Meredith (not her real name) is the mid-life owner of a highly successful business and the single mother of a rambunctious 7-year-old. Although she loves her work, Meredith felt “chained to her computer” and felt as though she was always working. And, in fact, she was always working. Meredith fits the profile of an “automatic helper,” someone whose default pattern is to automatically take care of others, regardless of the personal and professional cost to her.

When a client in need called, she would frequently drop everything and take on the new project, sometimes working long into the night and on weekends to stay on track with other projects. As her business continued to grow, she increasingly felt as though she had "no life." In the past year Meredith had gained weight and lost the fitness level she had worked hard to attain. She rarely saw friends or had time to read novels, her favorite way to relax. But what pained her most was not having as much time as she wanted with her son: time when she could really be available to him, and not just be in the house working when he was home.

When Meredith and I started working together, she was seriously thinking about closing her business and “just getting a job.” Over the time we worked together, I helped her articulate what she really wanted in her current life and to identify the things that she didn't want. Meredith wanted her non-work time back, including quality time with her son, and she wanted her business week to have a contained and predictable number of hours.

During our sessions, Meredith took a look at her business and realized that she had increasing volumes of both higher and lower paying work. She also realized that she had a compelling opportunity: by doing more of the higher paying work and referring more of the lower paying work, she could meet her revenue goals and reduce the number of hours she worked.

A key strategy was helping Meredith realize that she had a great deal of choice and power in client situations; that she could choose NOT to accept new work. She could choose NOT to drop other things and help immediately. This was very new to her. Her default pattern was to feel as though she HAD TO do what the client asked, and on his terms. She would feel GUILTY if she didn’t.

We also discussed other alternatives, such as negotiating new work on terms that were more favorable to her. For example, Meredith could tell the prospect that she really wanted to work with him but couldn't start the project until next week or next month, and let the client decide if that could work for him or not. She could choose to do the work for her usual rate or charge a premium for the "emergency" nature of the job.

So, how is Meredith doing now? Her business is doing very well. She gets to the gym regularly and loves it, sees friends, reads, and, best of all, she has clear time every week that she spends exclusively with her son. She even takes school vacation weeks off from her business. She and her son are thrilled with the new order.

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